“Emotional Presence” is the solution to many of the problems couples and families are stuck in.
(Attribution: These ideas come from EFT—Emotional-Focused Therapy—for couples counseling, developed by Sue Johnson)
The problem in couples is not the fighting, but whether people turn toward each other, or away from each other. While lots of people who fight do divorce or separate—many people who don’t fight also divorce. The difference is that those who turn toward each other, emotionally, can work things out. Arguing can actually be helpful if it involves a process of bringing things—and the self—to the conversation, and ultimately to the relationship.
Unfortunately, people can be physically present but emotionally not present. This is true of our parents, and of us as partners in couples. People need “emotional presence” to work things out. Having trouble being emotionally present with your partner? Consider getting help. Couples counseling can make a difference.